Steven Reneau, 36, sits for a portrait inside Southern Cup Coffee and Cafe in Glasgow following an interview about mental health and his personal journey with it.
(BRENNAN CRAIN/WCLU NEWS)
GLASGOW — An incision, relieved until the gentle exit of a chest tube, ached with increasing pain. He thought he had suffered a heart attack.
Steven Reneau, 36, was lying in bed following a bout of health issues, some of which kept him in the hospital for several days. He had experienced painful heart attack symptoms and was later diagnosed with pericardial effusion – a collection of fluid around the heart.
Days before that, he considered taking his own life.
The heart trouble only surmounted deeper matters. And Reneau could sense it.
“As I got older, and came into adulthood, it got worse,” he said.
Feelings of dread had poured over Reneau’s exhausted mind since childhood. A simple encounter with someone new would send him into a spiraling mental paralysis.
Life never seemed to be joyful, he said. And attempts to escape those feelings failed.
“I felt foolish, stupid I guess,” Reneau said. “Because it seems like it would be so easy to do, and then it’s not.”
The deafening cacophony of Reneau’s thoughts had just about led him to take his life. But he never did. And he’s thankful for that.
A year marked by an unprecedented pandemic brought unique challenges to Reneau’s life. His perspective shifted after his health diagnosis. Thoughts about life and purpose changed.
“I mean, I almost died,” he said. “I realized that I didn’t actually want to do that anymore.”
A visit to a family physician began his journey to unraveling the complex connections inside his brain. Mental health had become a priority, he said. Reneau was being treated for depression.
While at work one day, barely catching his breath, he walked to his car and released a wave of tears. All unprovoked. That was days before he was considered a person with anxiety.
“I think they were both a constant cloud over my head for a long time that I couldn’t figure out how to get out from under,” Reneau said. “That’s what it felt like. It was just this sense of constant dread and overwhelming uncertainty. That just weighed on me the whole time.”
Sometime after seeing a family physician, he pursued seeing a mental health specialist.
A year and a half later has passed, and he continues to attend therapy sessions at Angel Arms Counseling in Glasgow.
“Eventually, you have to get away from that, and do something scary like get help,” he said. “So that you can actually have happiness.”
Most insurance plans are widely accepted for mental health services. To find a provider nearby, click here.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has a free and confidential referral and information service available by phone at 1-800-662-HELP (4357). The line is for families and individuals facing mental and/ or substance abuse disorders.